Intimacy

Father figure, missing emotions and feelings

“Those who do not have a father must find one for themselves”, F. Nietzsche

Voronezh

Russia

My project is an attempt to see, approach, and recreate the image of my father, to live out my feelings for him. I didn’t know my dad, I didn’t know him and my mom as a family, as a couple, they divorced when I was about 7 months old. I met my dad only once, secretly, and he said: “I want you to know I love you.” After that, I never saw him again.

Somehow, on the street, a classmate said to me: “Your father is dead.” From that moment on, nothing was the same, some part of me died with him. I was 12.

When I think about my father, I feel pain, but I can’t even miss him, because it requires memories. I grew up feeling lost in the world of men. Being sexually abused as a child, I acquired trauma, the need to get someone’s attention, social dependence, and the constant search for a safe place. After the death of my father, I realized that no one could protect me anymore. I do not know if my dad’s image would have been so idealized for me if we went through all the stages of his fatherhood together.

With this project, I wanted to face the image that I created and separate the real person and myself from it, allowing me to complete and live out the missing emotions and feelings.

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Elena Liventseva

Elena Liventseva, 38 years old, born in Voronezh. 2019-2020 Academy of Documentary and Art Photography "Fotografika". Prefers to work on long-term personal projects. Area of interest: psychological problems, trauma, social problems.

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