A Silent Yearning for Freedom

India
April 2020. In search of light and freedom through the mosquito net in the dead of the night.

The year 2020 saw the violent outbreak of covid 19 virus. It has already taken too many lives, too many loved ones dying alone in a quarantine centre. I can’t even imagine their pain. Frontline workers are battling with their lives on the line. And the rest of us are at home.
The safety of home is a blessing and the privilege of being born in a well off family yet it all feels like a dystopian nightmare at times.

15 May 2020. Rooftop. Children fly kites all around the neighborhood. The masks are hanging in the sun. The kites make us feel joy like flying without any restrictions.

Isolation was not a big problem for me. I’m used to staying alone and I am at peace when I’m alone. Ever since I started going on my own I’ve fallen in love with walking around exploring new places vibing with the streets and revelling in my freedom. It feels so suffocating to be stuck in my room for days turn to weeks and months. My soul yearns to be free once again. To have the camera in hand, smoke a cigarette in an unknown alleyway, get into a meaningless conversation with a random stranger is what I crave for. I can’t stop thinking about all the hardships people are going through and more so in the future because of the massive economic downfall. In the midst of all this negativity there are some things that help me find my peace.

30 April 2020. The children in my apartment play with kites. She jumps with the kite like she wants to fly.

The little kids in our apartment play on our roof and I capture their moments of joy. It makes me feel free. They fly kites in the evening and run after birds, throw their hands up in the air and shout whatever they want. Children are free of all the so called behavioral policing that society has imposed upon us. They give me hope of a better day.

Everytime it rains I rush up to the roof to get soaked to my bones again, feel the wind and rattling thunder. This is how I search for freedom and how I find it in the little things.
I never knew such beautiful heavenly light enters my room every morning. My sleep cycle is so disturbed sometimes I stay awake all night listening to music but on the bright side the morning light always makes me feel at peace. No matter how tough things get, everything will be alright. However dark the night, dawn always comes. I hope everyone who is going through tough times sees the light of dawn and doesn’t let go of their hopes and dreams and keeps their spirits indomitable.

22 April 2020. A little girl in my apartment runs after birds as the kids play with each other.
May 2020, rooftop. The joy of childhood and the kid’s spirits lifts up mine.
June 2020, rooftop. The children throw their hands up in the air.
April 2020, my room. A trapped moth searches for a way out. It flies to me as I reach out and I let it fly through the other window. Seeing it fly makes me happy.
May 2020 from my windows. A storm bursts forth suddenly. Lightning strikes and the trees wave to and fro. Storm and rain makes me feel alive.
June 2020, rooftop. My father drinks chai and smokes a bidi in the rain. He loves the rain and finds solace in the evening during his tea time.
May 2020, rooftop. I photograph the crowd as they fly in slow shutter to capture their movements. Birds are free to rule the skies. They can go anywhere they want.
April 2020, from my window. The flowers sway gracefully in the wind. Nature is always peaceful to watch.
May 2020, my room. Morning light enters my room. After a whole night of sleeplessness the morning light fills me with joy and hope of a new day. .

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