When I am afraid or feel that I am on edge, I leave for the world of fantasy. Closing my eyes, I seem to go out of my body and move as far away from myself as possible, to the place where I feel no pain or fear.
In the middle of March, my wife and I – like many other people – had to begin to live in self-isolation. At that time, the pandemic had not yet overtaken our country, but we already knew what to expect, seeing what was happening in the world. During the first days of self-isolation we did not know what to do: whether we should leave for the far corners of the country, to our relatives or staying in St. Petersburg. The fear of uncertainty – although not visibly – was present with us every day. Waiting for the pandemic wave and thinking if we can survive it were driving us crazy.
Closing my eyes, I felt like my world was soaked with doom. No matter what I was thinking about or how hard I was trying to distract myself, all threads of thought led to death.
I constantly thought that I would not be able to save my beloved, I was afraid to lose her. What can I do if one of us gets sick? I was afraid to lose my faith in God. The time has come for the ordeal.
Realizing that I could no longer bear the pressure of thoughts, I decided to visualize the fears, release them from my inner world and fix them in the photograph. My wife and I turned the space of the room we rent into the place where gloomy thoughts led me to. The room became the stage, and familiar things became the scenery. I let my fears loose.
Support from our readers helps improve visibility, encourage exchanges, create new opportunities for photographers and writers around the globe, so if you value what we do, please support PRIVATEphotoreview today. Thank you.