My Childhood Loneliness and The Invisible Friends

My Childhood Loneliness and The Invisible Friends
Dhaka, Bangladesh – December 2019. This is the room in which most of my story started.

As a child, I was quite extrovert, fitful and agile. I grew up at Comilla, Bangladesh and stayed there for about five years. Then I shifted into Dhaka in 2004 where the most of my childhood spent and changes of my life started to occur. From a peaceful and joyful life, I fall into a chaotic and competitive life. In the new town with a new chaotic life, I couldn’t adjust much. Also, I grew up in a very strict family. I was restricted to the people with whom I can hangout, restricted to the time by which I can stay outside of house and restricted to the places where I can go. Moreover, back then, children were often tortured physically and mentally in some educational institutions for the sake of making a good result out of students. I was also one of those sufferers. With all of these toxic situations and restrictions, I fall into deep loneliness and depression. From being an extrovert boy, I became much introvert and quiet. I had only very few friends, I didn’t hangout much, I couldn’t even talk well with a new person. I was often bullied in my school and colleges for being so introvert. Even I have had hard times building good relations with my families. So, I confined myself in my house and my room for most of the time. I sometimes felt suffocated in my own room. Even at present also, I sometimes feel quite frustrated and depressed about my personal life, my career etc.

December 2019. The memories have left its traces in my brain just like the mosquitos have left theirs during their death.

Though I had very few friends, I had some invisible friends with which I spent my most of the time and still have those friends with me since then. Those are my hobbies, my passions and my obsessions. They can’t be seen visibly as friends, but for me, those things helped me to give me inspirations and survive in that dark time. Some of them are lost but many of them are still with me and I always take great care of them.
It’s very hard to share and express my feelings of my childhood as it is very much personal to me. It is also hard to tell the story in a short manner. But I thought if I can’t express in words, I may express these feelings visually through photos. And I felt a need to express my gratitude towards my invisible friends for which I could survive in my difficult times.

In this photo story, I tried to express how it feels to be alone and depressed as well as took the portraits of my invisible friends through a non-linear narrative approach. The photos are arranged in 4×3 manner and serial wise consecutively. The photos of the first and third row expresses how it feels to be alone and depressed and the photos of the second and fourth row shows the portraits of some things that I consider themselves as my invisible friends.

December 2019. Can you feel the heat?
December 2019. These are my own first ever gadgets of my life. I used to listen my favorite songs all the time through the mp3 player and make calls, messages and play some small games through the Nokia mobile.
December 2019. In 2009-2010, I used to learn, watch and perform magic tricks. Magic was one of my obsessions. I used to learn magic tricks through different TV shows and I used to modify magic tricks by myself. I had a magic learning book and other stuffs, but unfortunately, they are lost.These are two of the objects that I used to perform magic tricks.
December 2019. I had some weird habit such as collecting different kinds of pens. Nobody knew the reason behind this weird habit, even I also didn’t! And I was a blind fan of the cartoon show called “Pokemon”. So, I used to collect every object that were related to the theme of Pokemon.
February 2020. Have you ever imagined a mind full of stress & depression look like?
February 2020. A typical lust story of a single alone boy.
January 2020. I sometimes felt suffocated in my own room.
December 2019. I was obsessed with computer games and every news related to computer games. So, I grew a habit of cutting different news related to virtual games that were published in different newspapers. These are a part of my collection of paper cutting related to virtual games showing different games review, different news about Bangladesh Cyber Gaming Community, news on World Cyber Games, feature on different gaming characters etc.
December 2019. As music was one of my obsessions, I eventually fall in love of playing guitar. It attracted me so much, that it became another hobby for me. In 2011, I took professional trainings on playing guitar for almost two years and after that, I started to perform as a fingerstyle guitar player.
December 2019. Photography is one of the best things that happened in my life. Photography gave me a new identity, helped me to rebuild my personality, and helped me to relief most of my stresses. In 2014, I started to learn and practice photography by myself. I first started to take photos by my phone Samsung Galaxy S Duos (unfortunately I lost that phone in 2014), then I used my father’s digital point and shoot camera and finally I got my own DSLR Camera.
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