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It’s getting serious! One night goes, another comes and I remain here with my eyes open at a time when they are supposed to be closed. But they aren’t!
I hear snores of the world and feel so poor… so poor and so devoid… devoid of sleep.
Well, people call it insomnia.
But it isn’t so. It’s a calling for me. A calling from another world. A world where there are animals like me. They try to communicate but these snores swallow their effort.
For a moment I lose myself but then I try to dismiss the unreal.
I roam about and continuously observe the clock. Tick Tock… Tick Tock… and I recite Hickirey Dickirey Dock.

I shall not speak ANYTHING I like. Only the mad have the liberty to do so. I am sane. I can’t speak ANYTHING just like that. I am not supposed to. At least that’s what I am taught.
I try to read something and after an hour or so I see the map hanging upon the wall and say to myself, “What’s happening with our nation?! I know we are trodding towards the wrong path. Everyone knows that they are trodding towards the wrong path. But they still do so. Because that’s easy and feeds our immediate needs but what about the future? I should sleep. It’s 3:00 AM. By now sleep should descend.”

Yes, it should but it doesn’t. Instead what descends is fear.
I see people sitting in a corner and humming the tunes of my guilt.
It was a simple matter. I shouldn’t have used violence. But I did. I see blood everywhere… and shadows chasing me like hungry wolves… The humming of my guilt increases… I am the devil?… I am sane? Or I am just… It’s 4:00 whispered my legs. There’s still time.

I have to run! But where will I run? Where will I go?
Suddenly the sunlight creaks in through the window. Another night has gone. I weep my heart out. I am defeated again.

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Ayan Dawn

A resident of Kolkata, West Bengal, Ayan Dawn is currently pursuing B.A (Hons.) in English from Ramakrishna Mission Vidyamandira, Belurmath (Calcutta University). Ayan has… More »

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